Training during a pandemic has been not only physically challenging, but mentally challenging as well, to the point where I was ready to pull the pin on competing in the Birkenbeiner. When I decided to enter the Birkie I understood that training at my age would be difficult and there was a possibility that I would get injured and be forced to quit. I also expected that there would be days when fatigue would have me questioning what the hell I was thinking. What I did not anticipate was the toll that the pandemic would have on my mental health and that this would also be a hindrance to training for the Birkie.
As the pandemic continues, my mental state is suffering because I find myself having to deal with a lot of different emotions. I find the daily death counts in Canada and other countries upsetting and I worry about health systems being overwhelmed and the effect this is having on the health professionals. When the infection reached Canada, I started becoming anxious that I or someone I love would become infected and die. This made every social interaction stressful because not only did I not want to be infected, I did not want to unknowingly infect someone else. I must also deal with the anger I feel towards many politicians who preferred to open up the economy rather than save lives, and the frustration I feel when people spread disinformation and conspiracy theories on social media rather than listening to the experts. It saddens me that it is impossible to have family gatherings, especially now during the Christmas holidays. Every morning, when I learn the last news about the pandemic, I feel hopeless and depressed knowing that things are likely to get a lot worse before they start getting better.
Constantly dealing with these emotions wears you down and eats away at your mental health and sucks the energy out of you while you try to carry on with your day. Dealing with these emotions is even more difficult when they are combined with the physical demands of training for the Birkie.
Last week, after an exhausting 30 km ski and a poor night’s sleep, I lost the battle and was an emotional wreck. I was irrational, temperamental, and moody: not a pleasant person to be around. After I got some rest and could think clearly I started to consider if it was too much and maybe I should stop training for the Birkenbeiner.
If I continue to have bad weeks, there is a possibility I will pull the pin. However, I am determined not to give up, so I realize that I am going to have to make some adjustments so that I am not both physically and mentally worn down after a workout.
As I write this paragraph I am recovering from a 35 km ski. This time, I drank lots of water when I got home, had something to eat just before I went to bed, and took Tylenol during the night; as a result, I had a good night’s rest. Today I got my chores over with in the morning, and I am going to rest for the remainder of the day. I am also making an effort to not let the pandemic dampen my spirits, especially now during the holiday season. So far today is going well, and the Birkie is still on.
One Last Kick 